Stop Wasting Your Time Asking Why You And Your Partner Fight

by | Sep 27, 2018 | Relationship Tips, Seeing Solutions, Stronger Relationships

Stop Wasting Your Time Asking Why You and Your Partner Fight

As someone who has been married nearly 10 years, and helped hundreds of couples in my online therapy practice, I have firmly come to the conclusion that it is a complete waste of time to ask why we fight with our partner.

The fact is, there is no reliable and valid way to determine why we fight with our significant other. If that’s the case, then why are we obsessed with trying to figure out why we fight with our partners?

I’m here to tell you that if you go down that rabbit-hole of asking why it’s likely that you’ll never crawl out of it.

That’s because the reasons we fight are changing all the time.

And, it’s more than likely that we could never look back on an argument and dissect it expertly enough that we could pinpoint its exact cause.

So, to that I say, stop.

Stop wasting your time asking why you and your partner fight and you’ll discover that there is a far more important question you are likely neglecting.


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That question is, ‘When are you and your partner on the same page?”

Or, you could ask these questions:

1. What do you and your partner like about each other?

2. What do you like to do together?

3. When do you enjoy one another’s company?

4. When do you connect?

See the direction I’m heading with these questions?

I’m trying to ask you when you and your partner are the same.

When you and your partner are on the same page.

The reason why it’s more important to discover why we’re the same as our partner is that that information is far more useful to us.

Sameness is what brought us together.

Differences are what drives us apart.

And, if together is what you’ve come to appreciate in your life, then in the interests of self-preservation, I urge you to stop asking why you and your partner fight and focus on what’s going well in your relationship.

I know that when you do, you’ll go a long way to discovering just how you and your partner are the same and that very sameness is the glue that is going to keep you and your partner together for a long time.

P.S. If you’re interested in knowing just how strong your relationship is, then take my relationship quiz.

P.S.S. I know that some of you may have relationship questions that you’re burning to ask. If that’s you, head on over to my profile on Quora and ask me your question. You can also read a lot of my answers to questions that people just like you are asking.

Or, if you’d like to reach out to me directly, just click here.

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About the Author

Jonathan Van Viegen is a full-time online couple therapist and relationship mentor helping adults and couples improve one of the most important relationships in their life – the one with their partner.

Jonathan’s approach has helped 100’s of clients struggling to maintain a lasting, loving relationship while navigating the challenges of parenting. Jonathan’s goal with this blog is to offer you a behind the scenes look at his life to show that it is possible to create the kind of relationship you desire – using simple skills that anyone can learn.


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