The #1 Easiest Way To Build A Better Relationship

by | Aug 6, 2018 | Relationship homework, Relationship Tips, Stronger Relationships

If you are anything like me, then self-preservation is an important and instinctual tendency that is not just limited to your physical well-being.

It likely also includes your emotional well-being, too. For many of us, maintaining a healthy relationship is vital to our mood and overall satisfaction in life. Personally, I know if I get my relationship wrong, then I’m in big trouble – and I mean emotionally. I simply don’t do well when things aren’t going well between my wife and me. I also bet that you don’t do well either under similar circumstances.

A Simple Relationship Exercise

From a professional perspective, I’ve yet to meet a client who also didn’t reel from the negative effects of coping with distress originating from their relationship.

That’s why, when it comes to helping my clients get things ‘right’ in their relationship, I look for quick, simple and easy wins.

And, unlike many relationship improvement strategies, this simple relationship exercise is meant to get your relationship back on track – in the fastest manner possible.

But, before I get to the #1 easiest way to build a better relationship, feel free to have a look at my other posts for some great advice and tips on making your relationship better.

Other Successful Relationship Posts

The Best Way to Avoid The Communication Fail that Happens to Most Relationships after Kids

The Best Relationship Advice No One Will Tell You

Friday Night Fights: What They Are And How To Avoid Them


A Problem-Saturated View

So, what happens when you think of 5 reasons why you stay in your relationship?

Well, firstly, thinking about what works in your relationship is probably a radical departure from the everyday thinking that you are already doing.

Let me explain.

Most of us are pre-programmed to see what isn’t working in our life.

In short, we see the threats to our survival.

Perhaps that is genetic or has roots in our origins as a species.

But, the fact is, our instincts – the ones that kept us alive so long ago – aren’t very useful in our relationships today.

When we focus in on what isn’t working or what is ‘broken’, then we lose sight of the skills, resources and attributes that make our relationship strong.

The result is that we hold a problem-saturated view of our relationship.

And, one thing is for sure and that is that problems beget problems. So, the more we focus on our problems, the more the flood-gates open and new problems pour in.

Why A Solution-Focused View?

How do we stop the flood waters from pouring in and ruining our relationship?

That starts by shifting our view – moving from a problem-saturated to a solution-focused view – of our relationship.

When you complete the exercise in the video, you may not have the magic bullet that is going to save your relationship or get it on the track that you want it to be on.

But, you will have accomplished one important task – you’ll have started to see what’s working between you and your partner.

When you do that, you shine a light exactly where you need to – on the strengths and wonderful attributes of your partner and relationship.

That may not seem like a big accomplishment, but if you’re like most people, you are motivated by positive reinforcement and not negative.

Of course, the next step is to do more of what is working and less of what isn’t.

But, until you take action and begin to ‘mine’ your relationship for the golden nuggets that make it beautiful, it will be extremely difficult and onerous to start down the path of building a better relationship.

Did you like this post? Check out these posts next!

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About the Author

Jonathan Van Viegen is a full-time online therapist and relationship coach helping adults and couples improve one of the most important relationships in their life – the one with their partner. Jonathan’s approach has helped 100’s of clients struggling to maintain a lasting, loving relationship while navigating the challenges of parenting. Jonathan’s goal with this blog is to offer you a behind the scenes look at his life to show that it is possible to create the kind of relationship you desire – using simple skills that anyone can learn.


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