Ever have one of those days when everything that can go wrong does, but you say to yourself:
“Not today. I’m not letting anything bring me down.”
That was my yesterday.
But then I woke up today with the realization that I have to re-record an entire hour of video for the new Repairing Us course that was supposed to launch today.
It’s moments like this when you tell yourself:
“You have to redo all your work because the second version is going to be better!”
I feel like I’ve told myself that many times.
Especially back in the 90s and 2000s, before the cloud came along and we could type our essays into Google Docs.
Apparently DSLR cameras don‘t automatically record to the cloud.
Well, maybe they do. I just wouldn’t know because this 50-year-old isn’t quite savvy enough with tech to figure it out.
But there’s a point to me telling you this.
Because it relates to the course itself.
And more importantly, to you, your spouse, and the conflict that lives between you.
You see, fighting with your spouse is a good thing.
Yep. I said it.
Fighting is good because it means there’s still investment in your relationship.
It means getting what you want from your marriage still matters to you.
A lot.
Couples often think the cork in the bottle blocking a deeply loving and connected relationship is not knowing how to communicate better. Fight better. Or repair better.
But the “how” isn’t the cork.
The cork is no longer wanting to build a better relationship in the first place.
The cork is indifference.
Disinterest in your spouse concerns me far more than not knowing how to fight well.
Because if you’re fighting, you’re still showing up.
You’re still saying:
“This matters to me.”
“You matter to me.”
“What we have matters enough that I’m still trying to get something from it.”
If there’s genuine disinterest in your relationship, all is still not lost.
But I’ll be honest: my work as a couples therapist becomes infinitely harder when my job is helping someone find a reason to re-engage in their marriage.
So yes…
Fighting, in my book, is a good thing.
It tells me two people still care.
They simply have hopes, wants, and desires that need better understanding, better communication, and better actualizing.
And that we can work with.
Enter Repairing Us.
Meredith and I have worked hard to give you the tools and strategies we use to turn conflict from chaos into connection.
Because yes, we still fight.
And yes, we still know how to have a long, dragged-out one.
But the difference today is that even our bad fights rarely last longer than 45 minutes.
We’ve learned how to find our way back to each other.
And now, I’m going to show you how, with my new course.
Repairing Us will walk you through the exact sequence for moving through conflict, reconnecting, and repairing without losing each other in the process.
It was supposed to be in your hands today.
Instead, I’m going to go re-record an hour of video.
But I want you to remember this:
The fact that you fight isn’t necessarily evidence that your marriage is broken.
Sometimes it’s evidence that you both still give a damn.
You just need to learn what to do with it.
That’s what Meredith and I built Repairing Us to teach you.
In solutions and strength,
aka “Mr. Chosen & Cherished”