Inside My Therapy Room | Special Edition
One of the things I’ve learned about being married is that you don’t need to say something extraordinary to make your spouse feel extraordinary.
You don’t need grand romantic monologues every day.
Or three-page love letters.
You don’t even need expensive date nights.
Most of the time, all it takes is a simple sentence. Or a question.
But there’s a catch.
The most powerful words you can say to your spouse speak to their identity.
Not their behavior. Not how good they are at being a mom. Or fixing things around the house.
Who they are. Not what they do. Remember that.
How you see them. What makes them different from everyone else. What makes you glad they’re yours.
So today, I’m giving you two phrases that’ll speak directly to that part of their brain and soul that craves reassurance.
Two phrases I want every married person to start using.
Try at least one of them today, and watch a smile stretch across your spouse’s face.
1. “You know what I really like about you?”
I want you to notice something about that sentence.
I didn’t say love.
I said like.
I chose my words carefully because there’s a distinction I’ve spent years trying to help couples understand:
Loving your spouse is radically different from liking them — and they feel that difference.
Every single one of us wants to be known for more than what we do. What we provide. What we bring to the table.
People want to hear the beautiful things about themselves they may have spent their entire lives struggling to believe.
They want to hear good things about who they are.
“You know what I really like about you? The way you make everyone feel safe being themselves.”
“You know what I really like about you? People count on you. They trust you.”
“You know what I really like about you? Your curiosity about life. It makes you so much fun to be around.”
So be specific when you tell them what it is that you like about them.
In fact, small and specific is what you’re aiming for.
Again, you don’t have to say anything profound, because the heavy lifting in this exercise is simply the act of telling them something beautiful they haven’t heard in a very long time.
2. “If I had to choose again, I’d still choose you.”
Imagine what it’s going to mean to your spouse to hear that from you tonight.
Imagine how meaningful it’ll be to them not to have to wait until your anniversary.
Or until after they’ve done something wonderful.
How will they respond when you randomly walk up to them, kiss their head, and say,
“If I had to choose again, I’d still choose you.”
Think about what those words actually communicate.
After years of marriage, you’ve seen them at their worst. You know things about them that they never want others to know.
You’ve seen their shortcomings and lived through their bad moods.
And yet, despite all that, you still choose them.
And not only once.
You choose them again.
And again.
And again.
What kind of warm blanket will they sleep under tonight knowing that you know everything about them and you still want them?
“Would you still choose me?” is a question many people are terrified to ask.
And it’s why telling them “Yes,” without them even having to ask, is one of the reasons I believe feeling chosen is the single most important experience in marriage.
One more thing I want you to understand.
These phrases aren’t magic.
And saying them won’t suddenly erase years of resentment.
They won’t magically repair broken trust. Or fix a marriage where one person has decided to emotionally check out.
But they can do something incredibly important.
They can remind your spouse that they mean more to you than they realize.
That they’re someone you still like.
And someone you still choose.
That’s what I call being chosen and cherished.
In solutions and strength,
P.S. Want to go deeper?
My new book, Choosing Us, releases November 3rd, 2026.
And to celebrate, Meredith and I are offering something special.
Preorder just one copy and get FREE access to our entire 6-week LIVE Chosen & Cherished Marriage Intensive, beginning November 4th.
Six weeks of helping you build a marriage neither of you wants to leave.
Live weekly sessions. Replays included.
What normally costs hundreds is yours for the price of one book.