From:
Jonathan Van Viegen
My short-term apartment, Panama City, Panama
Monday, June 22, 2026
Dear Friend,
Happy Monday, everyone.
In today’s Chosen & Cherished Letter, I’m going to do my best to convince you to speak like a child again.
Because as adults, we’ve lost the innocence of asking for our deepest desires in the healthiest way I know.
Over the years, I’ve become convinced that one of the biggest mistakes couples make is turning their wants into needs.
And yet, if I’m honest, some of the deepest desires we carry sound like this:
“I want to be held.”
“I want to be your number one.”
“I want to be top of your mind.”
“I want that kiss in the morning.”
“I want to be hugged when I’m feeling down.”
These are all wants.
They aren’t needs. I know a lot of people disagree with me on that. But I think the distinction matters.
Because the word need creates pressure. And relationships don’t need more pressure.
On the other hand, the word want creates connection.
A Need says, “You owe me.” It comes across as a demand – whether it is or not.
Whereas a Want says, “I choose you.” It feels like an invitation instead.
That’s why I’ve come to believe that wants are pure.
In fact, I believe the covenant of marriage is this:
I want to wake up every single day helping you get more of what you want.
Not because you demanded it.
Not because you needed it.
But because I married you.
Because I chose you.
So here’s a question to sit with this week:
What if marriage wasn’t about getting your needs met?
What if marriage was about waking up every morning and asking:
“How can I help the person I love get more of what they want today?”
I have a feeling that question alone could change a marriage.
In strength and solutions,
Jonathan
