Author: meredith

From:

Jonathan Van Viegen

Balcony of the Surf Lodge, Playa Venao, Panama

Monday, May 18, 2026

Dear Friend,

I’ve built my Enlightened Marriage on 5 principles.

These are not moods or feelings.

They are:

• Loyalty.
• Honesty.
• Transparency.
• Commitment.
• Fidelity.

Those are the truth obligations Meredith and I commit to… every single day.

I’d never tell anyone we’re perfect.

And our marriage is not always easy.

But it’s these principles that make sure Meredith sleeps well at night.

And when she gives them back to me, it’s what makes me sleep well too.

But early on, she didn’t give them back to me overtly.

I had to guess.

And that uncertainty made our relationship feel really frickin’ hard at times. Especially in the beginning.

You see, I struggled real hard believing that Meredith would be loyal and faithful.

Not because she wasn’t.

Because I didn’t know how to ask her to remind me that she wasn’t.

My childhood wound was that I was leaveable.

I grew up terrified of fully committing my heart to a woman. I was convinced they’d eventually leave me.

So I avoided real commitment.

I dated.
Played the field.
And always kept one foot out the door.

Until I met Meredith.

And for the first time in my life, loving someone so deeply felt absolutely terrifying.

Because she held my heart in her hands.

Drop it, and I’d be devastated.

And that’s what I see so many people do with their childhood wounds.

They do whatever they can to protect themselves from them instead of revealing them.

Anger is always going to be your outward sign of vulnerability.

You’ll wear it like armor, but underneath you’re hiding:

Fear.
Shame.
Guilt.
Or embarrassment.

I was too ashamed to simply ask my wife:

“Can you remind me that I’m stayable?”

So instead, I questioned her… constantly.

That’s how my childhood wound distorted the way I asked for love.

Eventually, one of two things happens to most couples:

The wound becomes too painful to ignore and the relationship collapses.

Or one of you decides:

“Let’s heal this.”

That’s the turning point. The crossroads you arrive at where you have a choice:

Do we turn the volume down on what hurt? Or do we let our past hurts destroy our future together?

Here’s your conversation starter for this week:

“Sweetheart, what did you grow up believing about yourself that prevents you from feeling completely safe and secure in our relationship?”

After they answer, say this:

“Will you let me send you the opposite message? All you have to do is ask.”

That question alone can change the future of your marriage.

And if your partner struggles to answer, it’s usually because they grew up believing they shouldn’t expect loyalty, honesty, transparency, commitment, or fidelity in the first place.

But they do deserve those things. Of course they do.

They just grew up believing the opposite.

And now?

Now it’s your job to help correct that message.

That’s conscious marriage.