Month: February 2026

A woman on Reddit recently asked:

“Has anyone ever fell out of love with their spouse and been able to fall back in love — if only one person realizes there’s an issue and the effort to resolve it is one-sided? My husband thinks he has done everything for me and doesn’t see any problem. He doesn’t comprehend that there’s a difference between being a good person and a good spouse. He goes to work, sacrifices, provides and feels that’s enough to be considered a good husband. I want to be in a better place with him but I’m not sure how to make that happen. Not sure if it’s worth the fight, or if in 5-10 years I’ll regret not pulling the plug sooner. We are 42 and 44, together for 26 years.”

She’s got good reason to ask.

By the sounds of it, something is genuinely missing from their relationship.

But here’s what I suspect… neither of them know what it actually is.

And that’s what I want to teach you today.

There are two reasons they can’t see it:

First, when you’re in pain, you won’t turn the lens on yourself. Because that would mean admitting you contributed to the “roommateship” you’re living in.

Second, unmet expectations will push you deeper into a scarcity mindset. You stop noticing what’s still there and only see what’s gone.

Both of those things have killed the most important thing missing from this marriage – on both sides.

Curiosity.

Here’s how I know:

She didn’t describe her husband as a man. Not once. She didn’t share who he is… only what he does and what he says.

And he, on the other hand, believes that provision is enough. That working hard and sacrificing financially is the full definition of a good husband.

If that were true, she wouldn’t be on Reddit asking what to do.

So what would I tell her?

Put the pain and unmet expectations aside for a moment.

Then ask yourself: “Do I actually see the man I married? Do I like who he is?”

If she’s stopped getting curious about him, stopped noticing the parts of him that once made her say “I do”, it’s going to be hard to find meaning in staying.

And for him, I’d ask her to call him to a higher standard. To say: “Can you ask yourself how else you can connect with me in a way that reminds me I’m special to you?”

What I’m really telling her to do is simple.

Like him again. And ask him to notice her again.

That’s the formula.

Nobody survives a marriage that feels purely transactional. We are spiritual beings in a physical world. The happiest couples remind each other that their relationship is more than what they can do for each other.

It’s about emotional connection.

And emotional connection lives in one place: curiosity.

In solutions and strength,

Here’s something I see all the time:

A man starts pulling away… emotionally, physically, or both.

And the woman in his life tries everything to pull him back in.

More talking. More processing. More “we need to fix this” conversations.

But the more she reaches, the further he retreats.

Why?

Because he’s not running from her.

He’s running from how he feels about himself when he’s with her.

Here’s what I take from that:

Men don’t disconnect because they stop caring.

They disconnect because they feel like they’re failing.

And if a man believes he can’t meet a woman’s expectations, he will stop trying.

Not because he’s weak. Not because he doesn’t love you.

But because men are wired to provide, protect, and make life better.

And when they believe they’re failing at that, they shut down.

Here’s the shift I recommend:

Instead of focusing on what he’s NOT doing…

Start acknowledging what he IS doing.

Even the small things.

Even the things that feel like “he should be doing that anyway.”

Because men don’t timestamp memories of what they deserve credit for.

They timestamp when they think you see them as incapable.

And if the message he’s receiving is “you’re not enough,” he’ll eventually believe it.

Here’s how to change the dynamic:

1. Speak to his potential, not his failures.
Replace “You never…” with “I love when…”

2. Give him a win.
Notice something he did right today. Tell him you see it.

3. Show him you believe in him.
Replace “You always…” with “I know you can…”

This isn’t about lowering your standards.

This isn’t about accepting a husband who doesn’t show up.

This is about reminding him that despite his shortcomings, he’s still the man you want to be married to.

Because if he believes he can make your life better, he will spend the rest of his life proving you right.

Save this. Try it for one week. See what happens.

In solutions and strength,

What I’m about to share is easy to learn, but hard to master.

And I already know what you’re going to do with it.

You’re going to overthink it…

But I’m gonna try to help you through that.

Today, I’m going to share the same three questions I give every couple I work with personally.

Most of them get it wrong – at least at first.

And it keeps them stuck.

Don’t let that be you.

Here’s what most people do:

They tell me what they don’t like about their relationship:

What’s missing.
What they don’t have.
What their partner isn’t doing.

And that’s why they drift sideways. Or worse, go in reverse.

So here’s the rule:

Answer only in the positive.
Describe what IS happening, not what isn’t.

Got it?

Here are the three questions:

1. What do I love most about my relationship right now?
2. What does my partner do that makes me feel appreciated and valued?
3. What more can I do to make our relationship stronger?

Now…

This is what might have tripped you up:

I didn’t ask what your partner needs to change.

I asked what YOU want to see, and what YOU can do.

Because if you want to feel chosen and cherished, you first need to see when it’s already happening.

99% of people only notice what’s missing.

Only when they’re disappointed.
Only when they feel unfulfilled.

And once that happens, they decide all the change has to come from the other person.

Meanwhile, they’re blind to the evidence right in front of them:

The moments.
The behaviors.
The effort that already shows they’re loved.

Look, there are absolutely conversations to have with your partner on the other side of this.

About showing more love. More affection. More attention.

(If you want help with those, hit reply. I’d love to hear your story.)

But for now? Those conversations can wait.

First, change what you see.

Do that, and you’ll be five steps ahead of the couples who DM me in crisis, trying to save something they stopped noticing a long time ago.

If this helped, share it.

And if you want more, send me an email. I’ll show you how to fix this before it becomes something you can’t undo.

In faith & strength,